Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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