based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
