Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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