Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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