a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
