This is not my ceiling
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
