You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
