i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
