Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
