remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
being pregnant is like rehab
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
