Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Your penis caused this!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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