Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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