did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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