I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
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ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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