I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
