i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
