I haven't been this sober since birth.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
