we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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