If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
