I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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