I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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