I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
