we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
