i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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