Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
