a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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