I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
third nipple confirmed
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
