I'm really into asian looking animals
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
