I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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