You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
