A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
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I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
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You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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