life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Your cock deserves a montage
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
