He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
