I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
dude. I can hear the air.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
