I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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