make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
