Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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