just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
