By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
