I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
