FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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