Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
