The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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