In the future we'll all be gay
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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