gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
