6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
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She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize