I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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