I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
