eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
