he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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