Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
