Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
