She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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