Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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