6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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