i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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