His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
