I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
