I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
