i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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