I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
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he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
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Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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