how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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